coming back home!

wow after a big hiatus am back to typing again. well the thing was i was pretty in the dark for somee time now lol(not exactly sure what i'm talking about) but i was at the peak of my laziness. i'm staying in a PG now where i have to start worrying about what to cook for lunch and dinner and trust me it is tiring (the mere thought of cooking makes me so tired that i don't have the strength to even cook). blame it on my 7 years of staying in a hostel.

came back from church and somebody and not pastor gave the sermon (though i was kind of hoping that pastor would be giving the message). anyhow its ok cos everyone's touching on the same subject "Jesus" so...

pastor's son is so cute (by the way he's only 1 years old) and all the church members are after him (girls!!!). i'm scared of holding babies cos i always fear that i'll drop them. and my psychology prof would be saying something about that i know so i'm not going to ask him at all.

went to my brothers hostel and watched russel peter. he's damn funny!
anyways am home now. sis is cooking dinner and i'll be washing the dishes later and then we'll sleep. and i wish tomorrow was a saturday!!(^0^)/

Stuck in this stupid cyber cafe!

Really am missing the hostel. One doesn't know what one holds until it is lost! Then we realize how much we miss it. Now i can't surf the net whenever i want as there is no internet connection and even though i want to subscribe i can't cos I'm using the laptop secretly. Our landlady forbid us from using it. Anyways nothing to write, was just missing the hostel so i thought i publish it in my blog.

Leaving the hostel today!

Though i had always complained about my stay in a hostel i can't really deny the truth that i'll be missing it. Have got 2 precious hours remaining to stay in my room so i thought i'll write something in my blog about the hostel.

Tried to take gate pass from the housekeeper so i went to her place and i was greeted by an old grouchy man who turned out to be her husband (wonder how she landed up with him because i really like the housekeeper who's really sweet. He should have been the husband of my previous warden who, in my 3 years of stay under her supervision, never smiled. I'm pretty sure they would have got along like fire. Wonder who'll tame who!)
The first thing he did when i inquired about her, he folded his hands (yes i wondering why too) and started bellowing about how i was the third person to have come to him and that she's not here. Now how in the world would i have known that she wasn't there and that i was the third person to have irritated him. He might as well have thrown a brick at me. If he was really bothered then he should have some sense to write "Housekeeper not here" and paste it on the door. Would have saved so many people's problems-his mainly!
I was there, open mouth. Am not one to just stand by and listen to his crab and so i even replied that i wasn't even aware. While he was shouting away i just shouted "thank you" many times and went away.

Am really funny because i started writing about how i'll be missing the hostel and started bitching about the grumpy old man who's inside the campus of our hostel. I just had to write it because.......... well i had to. So as i was saying, i'll take with me some of the good as well as bad memories. Served as a vice-president (for the shortest duration as possible) and then i left because i couldn't carry out the duties which i felt were very burdensome and least interesting. But that short duration has taught me a lot too.

My Balcony mate and me chatted the whole night away and she helped me in packing some of my stuffs too and i guess i'll remember her for helping me fold the blankets and stuffing it inside its bag which for the life of me can't still manage to do it. She said that she'll miss me especially when my lights will be off now because i always keep my lights on and it seems knowing that my lights were on made her happy-go figure. lol

Anyways i gotta go after sometime now. I still haven't packed some of my stuffs yet. It feels as though my packing will never end. Have already had 4 trips and it'll be my fifth trip now but i won't be returning this time.

Almost all my friends have gone out of the hostel so basically there's no one to see me off except one of my friend who's coming over to help me out despite me saying that she needn't do so. I'm leaving at 5:30pm. Wish that the weather would be kind enough to not tan me. Bye UHW and welcome to my new home in ...........(secret)

My trip to gurgaon and its lesson!

I finally went for the interview in Gurgaon. I got up and finally decided to go. Man that ride am not going to forget in a jiffy. As me and my friend were travelling by bus suddenly what i thought were dark clouds turned out to be duststorm. It was terrible! The whole town was filled with dust and was engulfed with darkness. It was the most scariest natural event that i've ever seen in my life. It was just like the movie "the mummy returns" i saw except that it wasn't a movie but something that was really happening. Coward as i am i started to get panicky and my friend was consolling me. The other passengers were clicking their tongues and i was there desperately trying to call up friends and my sister and inside i was praying so hard.

I started thinking that it was the end of my life and that i may die any moment. I was scared because I didn't wanna die right now, i have so much to live for, i haven't even fulfilled my dreams as yet and above all i thought that if i die right now i would go to hell. One never knows when one would die. Then after some time it was ok but it was still raining heavily (i would prefer rain than duststorm).

Reached the place after some searching and the rickshaws and the auto's tried to cheat us but finally we got an auto who didn't know the place but said that he knew and finally after half an hour of searching we did reach the place. What happened there i won't describe in detail because it was boring but the good thing was that we got free lunch ha ha ha. Then we finished our interview at around 5:30 pm. They said that the result would be out by 28th of May because there were others who were supposed to come also. One of my friend who drives a car was to drop us till sarfdurjung but somehow her car's battery had some rpoblem cos she forgot to turn off the lights in her car and she was so concerned about us cos we don't know how to go north from gurgaon which was no problem for her cos she has her relatives in Gurgaon and she could stay for a night there. But as luck would have it the car finally worked.

On the way back i dozed off and my friend was like "you slept really good, did you know that?". I swear i can sleep anywhere! Finally we reached sarfdurjung, took an auto till central secretariat metro station where one of the male who sits in the counter tried to cheat me of 10 rs. My friend once told me that sometimes they try to cheat you if you're not too careful.

We reached the hostel just in time for dinner-they gave fish and and paneer. When i checked my mail, i got one from the AllWorship Email which went like this.....

FINDING TIME

I knelt to pray but not for long,
I had too much to do.
I had to hurry and get to work
For bills would soon be due.

So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,
And jumped up off my knees.
My Christian duty was now done
My soul could rest at ease.

All day long I had no time
To spread a word of cheer
No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They'd laugh at me I'd fear.

No time, no time, too much to do,
That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need
But at last the time, the time to die.

I went before the Lord,
I came, I stood with downcast eyes.
For in his hands God held a book;
It was the book of life.

God looked into his book and said
'Your name I cannot find I once was
going to write it down
But never found the time'

-- Author Unknown

Then i was thinking how i was like that too. I really had no time to touch into my spiritual inner being as i was so filled with this world's chaos and selfishness.

Am supposed to give entrance exam for JNU in International Organization but i don't think i'll give anymore cos I haven't had time to go through the syllabus. I've ahd enough with the exam's and all and i just wanna relax now.

Finally exam's over!!

So this is what it means to be really happy especially when your exam gets over after a stretch of giving 10 papers in all. One gets too saturated that everything that you just read look and sound nonsensical. Most of the students usually suffers from it as in the symptom as that of wishful thinking "If only we had studied beforehand". When you're giving the exams and go through the papers its really funny (or not funny) when you know that you've seen the handouts for the question but you don't exactly recall ever having read it or flipped through it. Mom called up and is sick of hearing the same response from me, that I didn't do well. Sorry mom, i know if i have a daughter-a lazy one that too- i would feel like bashing her.

Every time the day to give paper arrive I would either wish that our department gets bombed or something natural disaster like for eg. flood would happen and that it'd be so flooded that they would declare a holiday (Of course no one would die in my wishful thinking). And i must say that I had spent almost a good hour in daydreaming instead of doing some real studying.

After the exam got over me and my friends had our lunch outside and we watched 2 movies-Alvin and the chipmunks and Sweeney Todd (he's a real psycho i tell you). There is a call for interview tomorrow but the place is really far so I'm thinking of not going, besides I don't have anyone to go with.

Well gotta sleep now. A new day ahead-no tensions as for now but when the results come near I sure am gonna start digging my grave.

Having Faith is the only thing that pleases God

Went to church today and as usual our pastor Julian spoke so beautifully and convincingly that i just wanna keep on nodding my head the whole time. Thought i would skip service today and study for my exam but then i know i would eventually sleep and waste my time so i thought I'd go and have quality time with God.

As a kid i always hated going to church. Only if i had a pretty dress would i wanna go otherwise i was very demotivated to attend services. I got bored hearing about the narrations after the narrations about what happened to the Israelites, the kings and on and on cos I even got to hear about that in Sunday School too. And the sad part was that there were rarely, even a pint of humor to the messages. Anyways past is past, now am like really looking forward to attend service and if i ever missed one i would be really sad. But i guess part of the reason was because of our pastor who's really concerned for the youths and i can really say that he's truly a man of God.

He talked about Faith today. It was based on Genesis 17:15-21. Abraham, the father of faith waited for 15 years and finally God appeared to him and told him that he would a father soon. During that long years God was teaching him develop Faith. It was the undying and unfailing Faith that Abraham has towards God that made him a blessed man.

Faith is the language of heaven and God throws us in a situation that allows us to develop Faith so as to help us reach/attain that eternal life and the riches that God has stored for us in heaven.
God gives the best to those who let Him have His will and not go according to one's own wishes. However God is so generous and loving that He answers our prayers. But we have to always bear in mind that it has consequences. If you make a wrong choice, the consequence can be passed from generation to generation. But, the good news is that He would redeem us if we ask Him so.

I cannot type the exact words that Julian shared to us but it was really enlightening and it's not about how he teaches us from how God made the heaven and the earth to the end of the world in revelation, but its the way he extracts from the bible, a verse or a chapter and makes us see the relevance in today's world and the need for God's word in our daily life.

"LEAVE YOUR CHOICE TO GOD; THOUGH IT MIGHT BE THE HARDEST PART. ALL THINGS WORK OUT FOR THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN GOD. WE HAVE TO ONLY HAVE THE 'YES' SPIRIT!"

My old friend

Bumped into my old friend yesterday. We had some misunderstandings 2 years back and we didn't get in tough for quite a long time and as i entered a restaurant with three of my friends, we had missed our lunch, i saw her with her brother and i just had to talk to her. Felt good after i talked to her, we exchanged phone no's and i promised her that as soon as my exam gets over i would go over to her place; she says there are lotsa handsome guys in her campus. lol!

I was wondering that we tend to get irritated with our friends cos he/she did something that we don't want him/her to do or the fact that we expect so much from them and failing to live up to that kind of expectation would eventually lead to disappointments.

Anyways i have given one theory paper, four more to go and i would really burn my materials after i finish giving all my papers. seriously!!! Just makes me feel sad as to how much i have to study the handouts. O ya before i went to give my exam, where i was 10 minutes late and a professor who have an impression of me as a procrastinator was there and I'm sure she must have felt that her "hypothesis' bout me was confirmed (lol), my balcony mate gave me a hand made good luck card and i was so touched by it. I mean i never said good luck nor did i even asked her about her exam date sheets which was really embarrassing for me now. Have to improve my Social Skills!

Well another paper on 30th April. Wasted my time yesterday over sleeping for long hours, slept till today. Ya i know i can't keep awake for long. Gotta work on that too cos its starting to be a joke for my friends!

my worries and self reflections

All the 5 viva's are done and now the theories are remaining. These 2 years i've been hearing lots of negative comments after comments even though there are only some few instances where the professor was kind enough to say that i had the potential but its my attitude problem that's hindering me from doing well.
Infact today i got to hear that comment which in some way was comforting but at the same time know that i have a bad impression on the teachers. The last time i remembered was when i was presenting a case study and the professor said that it was good.

One thing that got me stuck when my supervisor asked me as to why the good reflections that i've written on the files aren't visible in the classroom activities. I had wanted to say lotsa stuffs but all i could manage to say was that i lacked initiative which might probably be the main reason.

I was really disturbed mentally with the whole viva and the practicals that we did. First of all i couldn't in any way find any group that i really wanna belong to nor be welcomed. Secondly, i had cried in one of the practical as i was made the scapegoat and made to feel that i wasn't contributing to the work team at all. It was really embarassing for me. I'm quite mad at the fact that i let my emotions get the better of me. M such a cry baby. Well no need to cry over spilt milk now......

The past months i was so depressed, regretting every acts, that i had wished i would vanish into thin air or that the earth would swallow me up. Nothing could bring me back some hope that everything would be fine though i've found solace in reading the bible verses. I need to constantly read up otherwise i tend to cocoon myself again with depressing thoughts.

My journey i guess starts from here where the outside world is really harsh and one needs to wake up to the realities, not to brood over something that cannot be redone. There will be many complexities in this life and one has to defeat it and not to let it defeat you (which is easy to say than really do it). My talk with one of the prof. after the viva was really therapeutic in that, he says "There's nothing you can do about your past mistakes but what's left of you and how you make use of it will determine who you'll become."

its the time of the season again!

I dunno what to make out of this festival-holi. They say its the festival of love but hey when you're being thrown by a bunch of balloons filled with sewer water you surely don't think of love at that time. Instead you wanna twist the culprit's neck. Last time as i was going to a market these guys from a bike came, threw a balloon right at my butt and whizzed away. Man if i ever had a nuclear bomb button with me i would have pushed it without any second thoughts killing the whole people on the earth. That much was i mad! I couldn't even do anything except try to tell the rickshaw how uncivilized the people were. He was also like "true, true, but what can we do about it?"

Throwing balloons at somebody without a consent is wrong and horrible. I always tend to look up at each and every terrace whenever i pass by so that i'll have an eye contact to those who are about to throw balloons at me. Its always the unsuspecting victim that gets the unwanted balloons.

If people wanna make their festival fun or appreciated i think they can do on their part to not throw balloons which can be really hurtful and make others to not wanna go out but saty indoors cos they hate the festival!!

Its not like am being unsportful or anti-holi but because i've to be constantly be on the lookout for miscreants whenever i go out during this time, the fact that it hurts when they throw it in such a forceful manner (its like being stoned), and that they use such dirty waters that make you wanna automatically hate the whole thing. Its not like i never enjoy this festival. Whenever my friends play, they always invite me and if i ever feel like it i play with the colors too.

time sure does fly

Last time, i think it was more than a week that the authorities banned us from using the wi-fi which was really bugging cos we had to come down to the computer room where we cant book more than 1 hour. The students reatliated and finally it was given back, hence the post today which was like really after a long time.

The clock's ticking and my project+field training report might as well go to the dustbin.

It was funny when I was saying that "How God Helps Those Who Help Themselves" and my sister said that "God Helps Those Who Are Helpless" and from that onward I've been considering myself as a helpless person rather than a lazy person. lol! Those two are really different things!

Its like I'm just starting the semester but now i find that the ugly face of exam has come again. I hope i'll be able to get through this and after that no more studies for me. I'm gonna let my children study till whatever they want and if they wanna become singers/painters/dancers/actors/writers i'll tell them to go ahead. Lets hope I dont change my mind after i get married. They say women change their moods seven times in a day. Wonder how much that holds true cs that's really frightening.ha ha ha.

cold weather

This weather is seriously killing me. Had it been back home i would be beside the fireplace like a harmless kitten and eating/drinking something warm. I have a heater in my room which am using illegally and since am using it illegally am always on the lookout for the authorities in case they turn up so the anxiety is making me wanna stop using the heater altogether as am turning it off and on whenever i hear voices of the staffs.

Talking about cold am in mess hall braving the mean weather while my hands and feet are getting numb by the minutes but the net doesnt work in my room, it's really slow, before it used to be good so much so that i would be buffering movies and dramas in a matter of some minutes, so am doing my work here. Really was I happy to hear that the desertation and the project work is to be submitted on march. But the sad thing is i donno what should i do for my project.

I gotta have an inspiration.....NOT! ha ha ha ha. I just wanna do whatever it takes to finish my project as soon as possible because i'm not interested at all in this kind of qualitative/quantitative research, that's like really boring! Pardon the language!

My nose is already running. Gotta go to my room after some time. Am still not able to get the materials. I hate browsing for books; surfing net, copying and pasting plus crediting that person for the article at the end of the paper is better. Guess better luck next time!

surf's up!

I must really say that for a animation freak like me i found this movie damn funny and great. Its kinda like a documentary film about surfing with Cody Maverick as the lead actor.

His family revolves around his elder brother, Glen(left side), his mother, Edna(right side). Cody is passionate about surfing while his mom and Glen always complains about him not being responsible.

The funny thing was the pics that they showed of him and Glen when they were born. Glen was really huge while Cody was a skinny baby.


One day while Cody was working this recruitment team came and that's how Cody got a chance to go to Penqu island where they even have SPEN (sports penquin entertainment network) which was really funny. Cody's a big fan of Big Z who was a gr8t surfer of his time. Then there is this Tank who's a big bully. There is this chicken Joe whose a surfer too!















Cody falls in love with the lifeguard, Lani who later turned out to be the niece of Big Z.

There was even Canquins (penguin Cannibals). Ha ha ha ha! Talk abut Penguin cannibals. So when Joe searches for Cody in the jungle he's captured by these cannibals who throws him into a boiling pot of water for the dinner while Zoe thinks that he's being treated like a king. "Its Kinda steamy but it opens up my pores" "it was kinda cool that they served me food in there (as in the boiling tub of water which he take it as a royal hot tub)" were one of my fav lines by Joe.
Reggie's the ever selfish one who is more into money and publicity. And there is his assistant, Mike who's unique in his own.










Well the movie's about how Big Z lost in the contest to Tank and went into a hideout and how Cody on finding that he was alive tried to persuade Z to teach him and train him so that he could win the contest. Z did train him but when Cody asked him to watch him surf he denied because he's afraid to show up to the people, i mean the penquins. So Cody's really disappointed in him but it turned out that Z really came to watch the contest but he had hid from the crowd so that he's not recognized.

Everything's fine in the contest with Cody, Joe (our very own chicken who survived from being Canquin's dinner and had made friends with them instead) and Tank (the bad guy) as the finalists. But it as it turned out it was Joe and Cody who got 27points each while Tank got none so it was a tie for both Joe and Cody. Its typical in a movie where the bad guy always acts as the spoilsport. Even here Tank tried to distract Joe but Cody who instead of focussing on winning surfed towards Joe and tried to help him by distracting Tank into following him to the boneyard (the most dangerous part of the ocean where even the pro's are scared to venture into it) instead. Cody falls but Z appeared and helped him out and yes he finally showed himself to the crowd.

I always liked happy endings and this movie did end with a happy note. Go watch the movie because words alone won't suffice how much fun i had while watching the movie! I think i wanna know how to surf now!lol!!!

dramaqueen!

i know people often say that its what you do that make other people treat you the way they do but i think that's quite unfair to say so. i mean there are some people who are quite difficult to deal with. someone said that that the key to failure is to please everyone. well the thing is i'm quite pissed today so i might as well write stuffs that'll lead to a catharsis ( a healthy one i pray).

sometimes i wonder if am such a dramaqueen. i get mad so easily and i dont have that wit to lash back to the person that i don't like if in case she says something which really bugs me because i tend to keep my mouth shut (well not most of the time) but my facial expression says something else. i wish to remain calm and poised and be able to reply back in a sarcastic note instead i'll just show my temper and curse and cry ( that's the part where i hate myself the most).*o*

every now and then i promise myself that i won't do it but its kinda hard. friends advice me alot on that (hey guys if u happen to read this just wanna thank you ;) )

well i guess that's life. some people are complex and some people are nice to have around. i know that's common sense! but i guess its hard to even avoid those that you can't bear and at the same time not be able to keep your loved ones beside you every now and then.:(

cute display!

i think my fren had a quite romantic day when his boyfren showed up at her doorstep on 1st of jan. it seems he got on his bike at 3am, went to airport, got a ticket to delhi (by the way he's from chennai), searched for her address and there he was. he said that it was quite spontaneous and he hadn't planned it before. wish someone would do that for me too!

as for me it wasnt that boring with my frens birthday on 31st dec, 1st and 3rd of jan. more birthdays coming up. though birthdays are fun, it sure leaves one with a hole in the pocket.lol!

with the holidays coming to an end, am starting to have nightmares of my teachers trying to squeeze me with heaps and heaps of assignments and am left sweating. just exaggerating but seriously i hate getting up for classes (i might have written this over and over again in my blog).